What's a Kiss?
by annegoddamn
Summary: Earth customs are so strange. Exactly what it says on the tin.


I got inspiration for the story, while working on a chapter of _A Thrilling Chase_. That's going to be the romantic version of this quickie: this is the 'here's what would probably happen in canon" version. Nothing much to say to this one, except that I have ideas for a couple more chapters. For now, this is a one-shot, though. Enjoy!

* * *

Vegeta was bored. The gravity chamber was under maintenance, again, and there was nothing to do. He paced around Capsule Corporation, desperate for something to do. If he didn't find something, then he might blast a hole through the house. He doubted that the woman would take kindly to that.

He had been staying on Earth for a month. He didn't even know what he was doing here, at this point. He didn't care about those tin can androids, nor did he care about the fate of this planet. He wanted to surpass Kakarot, sure, but he could do that anywhere else. The experience out in space would probably be more valuable to him. He was confused; he hoped this didn't mean that he was getting soft.

He went back down to the living area and saw the TV on. For some reason, Earthlings filled the void of their lives with meaningless entertainment. He shrugged – it wasn't as if he had anything better to do. He plopped onto the empty couch and watched the program. He recognized the format – he heard the woman's mother call this a "soap opera". However, he saw no cleansing materials anywhere.

The program continued. The woman was balling in a very unconvincing manner to another man. Apparently, she cheated on him with her female roommate. She told him that she was pregnant with his baby, and that her female roommate lied to him so that she could have the first woman all to herself. Yet, the man was going to marry another woman, out of obligation for his parents. Vegeta felt like he had to take notes, to keep up with this.

 _"_ _I cannot, Putine! I am bound to Mifan. It is too late for us, now," said the man._

 _Putine continued to ball. "But Sauer! I love you! How am I going to take care of our child on my own? My mother would never forgive me!"_

 _Sauer gasped, and dramatic music played. "M-my child?"_

 _"_ _Yes, Sauer: it is your child. Please, I cannot raise a child on my own! I love you so much!"_

There was that phrase, again – "I love you". He couldn't translate that into Saiyago, no matter how hard he tried. He still didn't understand what it meant. He heard the woman's parents say it to each other; he heard the woman say it back to them; and he even heard her say it to the weakling. He gleaned that it was affectionate, to some degree, but he didn't understand how or why. Affection had no place, where he grew up.

Speak of the Devil; she came in right as he thought of her. She was covered in oil, grease, and soot – hopefully that meant progress in fixing the gravity chamber. Even filthy, she was still a handsome woman. He found himself not hating her company. She had ferocity and a lot of spirit. She was the closest thing to a Saiyan on this mud ball. Of course, he would never tell her that. He'd mask his admiration with his normal disdain and arrogance.

She looked at the TV, then to him, then to the TV, and then at him. "Are you really watching this crap?"

"You still haven't fixed my gravity chamber. There's nothing else to do."

"Yeah, my dad's working on a part, right now. If all goes well, it should be up and running by tomorrow night."

"Whatever." He went back to watching the TV. Putine and Sauer were embracing each other, and still crying. These performers were terrible. He'd seen enough people cry to know that it wasn't convincing. He felt the couch shift, next to him. He glanced over and saw the woman sitting next to him.

 _"_ _I love you, Putine! I'll end it with Mifan right now! I just want to be with my child!"_

 _"_ _And I love you, Sauer! I'm so happy I won't be alone, anymore!"_

She snorted. "This is a repeat. In a couple episodes, Putine's long-lost twin, Frites, shows up and tries to sell her into prostitution."

Putine and Sauer leaned in close to each other and started doing something strange. Their mouths were continually connecting to each other. He caught glimpses of their tongues going in and out of each others' mouths. They were whispering 'I love you' repeatedly.

"What the hell are they doing?" he said, slightly appalled. "Are they trying to eat each other?"

"They're kissing. What do you think they're doing?"

"The hell is a kiss?"

She looked over at him in shock, but then she started busting out, into laughter. Her face was turning red, she was holding her stomach, and she was gasping for air.

"What are you laughing for?"

"You… you… you don't know what a kiss is! The prince of all Saiyans doesn't know what kissing is!" She fell to her back and started rolling on the couch.

"ENOUGH!" he yelled. She stopped laughing. "I demand you explain what this... kissing thing is to me."

She snorted, making him glare at her. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Kissing is something we do with people we really, really care about. It's a way we show someone that we love him or her deeply. You just put your lips up against someone else's, and there you go. You've got a kiss."

Earthlings were more vulgar than he thought. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"To be honest, I don't really know. It's just something really deeply engrained in our behavior. Having your first kiss is a rite of passage, of a sort. A lot of people don't really feel fulfilled in life without it. However, a lot of people say that you should save it for someone special."

A rite of passage: This caught his attention. He'd probably get along fine without one, but he didn't like being left out of a rite of passage. Now, he had a new goal to work on, while the Super Saiyan goal was on hold – he even had a special someone.

He turned to look her, in the eyes. "Alright. Let's do it."

She was confused. "Do what?"

"This 'kissing' thing. What else?"

She looked offended. "Vegeta!"

"What? You have lips, too."

"It doesn't work like that, normally. A guy has to try to win a girl over and be romantic. You don't just tell people to kiss you!"

"What's the point in that? You told me that I have to just put my mouth up against someone else's. Now, will you just kiss me?"

"Not when you're asking me like this!"

"What's stopping you?"

"I have a boyfriend!"

"So?"

"So?! You don't ask a taken girl whether she wants to kiss you out of nowhere! You are such a barbarian!"

"You're only now figuring that out?"

"You know what, good point."

"Are you going to kiss me?"

She groaned and stood up, leaving the room. "No, Vegeta. Not now."

Vegeta wasn't done, yet. He followed her. "When are you going to?"

"When you learn how to ask politely."

"Will you kiss me, _please_?" It killed him a little to say 'please'.

"You never struck me as the desperate and needy type, Vegeta."

"I am not needy. I am just persistent."

"A line that is growing thinner and thinner, the more you ask."

"I wouldn't have to if you just gave me what I wanted. Now, please kiss me."

"No."

"Kiss me."

"No!"

"Kiss me, Bulma."

"GAH, FINE!" She rolled her eyes, turned around, slapped her hand on the back of his head, and yanked his face towards her. His lips crashed into hers. It wasn't gentle, by any means of the word. It was a frantic bought of lips, saliva, and teeth. He swore he tasted a bit of blood, as well. It was probably intentional: a deterrent to make sure he didn't ask for this again. But dammit, he loved every second of it. Now he understood why these kisses were so desirable.

Before he could wrap his arms around her, she pushed him away. "There! I don't wanna hear a word about the gravity room for the rest of the month!" She stormed off, grumbling about stubborn Saiyans.

Vegeta brought a hand up to his lips. That was more pleasurable than he thought it would be. The way his lips molded against hers felt like a piece of heaven. Even when being intentionally sloppy, she was still incredible. He wanted to try it again with her. Maybe another day, he would try, again.


End file.
